[ Pissed off ]

Someone had told me somewhere:

‘Come between 7.00 am and 7.30 am’

I had been told the previous day but had gotten to the car park as early as 6.30 am for the appointment.

I usually love to choose a decent spot for myself in such circumstances, so had chosen a vantage position, paid the two hundred naira fee (N200.00) and left my vehicle as I walked some distance to where exactly the meeting was scheduled.

To think they were not even ready for business till 8.00 am.

‘When you come down here, you should expect to spend the whole day’

I had also been warned the previous day also.

Totally exhausted and tired, I emerged from it all at 12.25 pm – Surprisingly, one old Range Rover entirely blocking my car. I was enraged as I walked over to the car park guys:

“This is utterly unfair of you guys for allowing anyone at all block my car – You guys recall I was about the very first person to get here and I chose this spot cos I didn’t want any problem”

‘Sorry sir’ one of them offered while also gesticulating to the other to make a call.

‘The man left his phone number’ they both chorused.

About twelve minutes later, arrived a not so young man, decent looking alongside his also obviously well educated elderly mother – He rushed to open the side door for the Mum and scurried over to the driver’s side.

I accosted him:
“But why mister, why unfairly prevent me from leaving this place when I was ready to ?”

His rather disgusting response should have earned him a tidy slap on a normal day:

‘Afterall I paid too’

Bobo tio je kiin ko igbaju fuun . . . Igbati olooyi. (Guy wey I suppose paint him face with slaps)

On that said day . . . The son of a bi_ch sure pissed me off mehnnn !

[ Last Fri_YAY ]

This neighbour of mine stays a number of streets behind mine, retired and a bit elderly.

Must have been retired about 10 years or so now and spends his time between here and where his wife and probably kids are in London – Spending 6 months here and another 6 months over there.

We run into one another over a long period of time:

‘Gbenga, se a ma maa gba visa ki a to ri e ni ?’

(Gbenga, are we going to be needing a visa to see you ?)

He would joke.

We ran into one another again few days ago on Thursday at the bank:

‘Why don’t you let’s hang out together tomorrow, Friday ?’ 

He suggested yet again – ‘We could do XYZ (naming one hotspot in the hood), 8.00 – 830 pm is an ideal time for me’ he concluded as he hopped into his car and I walked over to mine.

His last words:

‘Do call me, so we can firm up arrangements’

I ran the thoughts all over my mind the following day at night.

It really won’t be a bad idea frolicking with someone his type; bubbly, full of life and funny. An ex staff of Mobil Producing too. Should be a good networking opportunity I felt, but for the time he chose.

A night train . . . 8.00 – 8.30 pm !

“Who’s gonna be leaving his house at that time just to goan have a glass ?”

Definitely not me – Lol !


Friday, 8.40 pm

(Baba calling – Lol)

Wetin I go tell am ?

@ O’Shine Original . . .

[ Thick Madam ]

Probably in her early 30s . . . 

She’s big, bold and beautiful. Not in anyway fat . . . No. She’s just thickset . . . Calling her an Iroko tree would be appropriate. 

An awesome stature; both front and back sides, proportionally distributed. I’m usually not one who gets taken in by her kinda frame . . . But she’s different in all ramifications. 

Add the colour of her skin to this all round package . . . You’re caught between calling her ebony or chocolate.

They glow mehnnn . . . Ishhhhhhhh. You cannot but notice her . . . Plus the tempting smiles she flashes every now and then adds quite a lot to her persona.

I’ve been a beneficiary of this a couple of times too, when our glances connect . . . And it was of course what had emboldened me to walk up to her after Mass, weeks ago.

“My name is O’Shine Original” I introduced myself.

She beamed that same smile once again as she stretched out her hands . . . Tender they were too as I took them, not really bothered about who was starring . . . Indeed I caught glimpses of a couple of probing eyes too.

‘Wan ti get mi’ . . . ‘They have caught me’ . . . ‘My kurukere in Church is now in the open’ . . . ‘In the full glare of everybody’. 

“O’Shine . . . See your life” as I walked away; making a huge effort of trying to cram her name.

It was a bit tongue twisting as she pronounced it . . . I had deliberately therefore, pretended I couldn’t pronounce them, so she took her time to spell out the full names to me; both first and surname. I got into my car quickly, scribbled same on my phone and had them saved.

So you can imagine how I felt sitting two pews directly behind her for Mass yesterday. I had looked up after securing the seat to see the massively wide and temptingly inviting backside. 

Despite always fully dressed up, she was still sexy anyway. Her dress sense and taste, quite high up there . . . Several notches up infact.

There and then, I knew being part and parcel of the Sunday morning Mass was going to be an exercise in futility. 

A herculean task.
Oh why ?
Oh why ?

Eeeeeeeebbbbbbbbbbbiiiiiiiiiiiiii . . .

Omo thicker body. WHY ?
Temptation 101 . . . Get behind me o satani.

Kikikikikikikikiiiiiiiiiii !

@ O’Shine Original . . .
12th February, 2018

Probably in her early 30s . . .

[ Old flame ]

That fire, the ever raging fire in me to know where she was, what’s become of her started all over again . . .

A flame 35 years flaring and it felt just the same still.
I’d wondered for those long excruciating years where on earth she was.
The pink lips that endeared me to her ever visibly radiant in my mind’s eye. Her fragile, yet cute little frame too was a magnetic pull for me.
To me back then, she was the most beautiful girl at the extra lessons school. My cousin and another friend argued unending about it though . Lol.
Funny, that I was all confused and jittery once I was with her back then. I liked her to bits, her presence scattered and ruffled me, yet I longed for her still, probably the only girl that’s had such an effect on me, ever.
Only problem . . . I never had enough guts to spill out my desires for her.
So, yesterday I had remembered her once again, yet again – The memories ever fresh, so I typed out her full names in the search engine and viola.
The very first option it gave me. Starring at me was that exact face, those lips still. She practically had not even changed, at least not so much.
She does business and hustle in and around Lagos.
I became confused, I never would have thought she was out here somewhere in Las Gidi all these years without me being able to fish her out . Damn.
She had travel plans back then so I had concluded all along she was somewhere very far away from me.
To think we even shared 19 common friends on fcbk, a few of whom I personally know and could have asked about her . Chaiiiiiiiiiii.
I quickly and very excitedly sent a message:
“I am sorry to barge in on YOU Ma’am . . .
Just wondering if you are the same Yemi Oluxxxxx that lived beside Le Fahts Studio on Muritala Muhammed Way, Yaba – Lagos back in the mid 80s and attended WAEC preparatory classes around Little Road in Yaba also . . . It’ll be nice to know if you are.
I’m Gbenga Oshin.
Good afternoon.”
I got a response, 4 hours later:
‘Yep ! Emi ni o.
I kind of remember Gbenga Oshin, the name but I’ve looked at your profile photo and can’t remember the face.
Anyway, it’s a pleasure connecting again.
God bless you and yours !’
My head did ‘tinini-tonono’ . How can she not remember my face ?
Ahhhhhhhhhh. I quickly sent 3 old photos of me taken way back – In 1988, to her.
I finally got a proper response this time around:
‘Yes, I now remember ! Wooow !
Where on earth have you been ???’
Then a whole lot of gists, followed by questions and answers:
“I picture you in my head all the time and look out to where your bungalow previously stood whenever I passed the hood . It’s now a multi storey building if I’m not mistaken.
‘I know – I haven’t changed much but you have put on some weight !
Yes o – The entire street has been revamped.
Oooh, ok and I remember the face now.’
“There were also Sola, Damola, Tina, James and my cousin Dotun. I don’t know where they all are again though . Lol”
(To think it was Sola that gave me the nickname ‘HighHeels’ back then – She looked at me one day and said – Gbenga – Bata Gogoro – HighHeels – And it has stuck ever since)
‘Yeeeeeeeesssss !
I have looked for Sola too, combed the entire FB for her. Can’t find her o. How is she ? … and cute Damola !’
“Last time I saw Damola was at a party she hosted at their Surulere abode.
Was at Sola’s too twice but never met her at home on both occasions – Then time passed.”
‘Na wa o! All my friends from way back. I haven’t come across either of them.’
I went down memory lane about a few outings we had and especially when I followed her to her friend’s houses etc . . . Firstly to see Tina somewhere around the Old Yaba Zoo and then around Fadeyi to see a friend of hers also.
Events from far back 1986 – Three whole decades and a half, 35 years ago.
Her reaction:
‘Gbenga, I remember now . You have a very good memory !
I remember when you came to visit too, lol.’
“One sunny afternoon like that. I think you stayed with your granny or so.
‘Yes o.’
“I liked you like crazy and wanted to date you.
‘I know . Lol.’
(Imagine – She knew all along sha)
“I was always tongue tied talking to YOU. Chaiiiiiiiii.”
‘Lol. Puppy love ! Dem send you go lesson you dey go chase girl. Small boy like you. It was all fun though, all part of growing up.’
(See hand o . She take style yab me abi ? Ishhhhhhhhhh)
“I remember you went to OLA – Our Lady’s of Apostles – I was at St. Finbarr’s and finished in 1984.”
(OLA was OUR sister school back then, Lol)
‘Yes OLA . I finished in 1984 too.’
“I see you were Banke Alawaye’s friend.”
(Had attended OLA too)
‘Banke is with the Lord now.
She was my junior in school and her sister, Tunji was my senior in OLA.
Banke, so painful.’
(Quiet . Pin drop silence)
What seemed like forever finally came to an end as we both exchanged phone numbers and went to bed after like an hour or so of no holds barred chit chats.
Time: 11.42 pm.
Funny, that I had such an intense crush on that young woman back then.
I slept like a baby mehnnn.
She sure used to make me mushy mushy.
My one time sugar sugar. My pepperoni back in the day. My old flame. Chuckles.
So looking forward to a time out with her.
Thanks Zukky . . .
(Then I woke up from my slumber)
Time: 6.42 am.
Kikikikikikikikikikiiiiiiiiiiii !

@ O’Shine Original . . .