[ Roped in ]

The knocks started slowly and intermitedly – then increased to bangs and then, forceful pounds.

I struggled to get up from my intense schedule while working on my lap top, moreso that the noise were coming from my gate downstairs too.

Looking through my living room window, I saw 3 able bodied men standing in front of my gate – all of them with stern and rather angry looks. 

I knew and talk to one of them, but see the seemingly oldest of them all, around the hood also. The third guy, I had absolutely no clue about.

I opened the window and raised my voice, enough for them to hear as well as know where it was coming from:

“Yes, can I help you ?”

The one I knew, the security guy manning the gate of the street directly behind my house, looked up in the direction of my sound, and replied:

‘Ore yin ni sa – awon ni wan ba ro oko ile wan. A de tiin npe wan lati aro ki wan wa san owo, wan gbe phone waan’

(It’s your friend sir – these people helped to clear the weeds and growth on his vacant plot, and we’ve been calling him since they finished to comean pay but he’s not picking)

I be like:

“Omorege oooooooooo – so what’s my own in this matter now ?”

Anyone looking at these lot, 2 or 3 blocks away, would actually believe I’m a debtor owing them ke . . .

That’s how people make businesses that doesn’t concern you, yours.

They all glanced at each other and turned back to walk away – one after the other.

Awon oni yeye somebody. 

Roping me into a matter that, isn’t in anyway related to me – Lol !

@ O’Shine Original . . .

[ The beggar ]

I remember meeting this bubbly guy – a top banker with the then Oceanic Bank and a willing link to their MD/CEO that I had wanted to prospect for so so long back then too – it was going to be a win-win for the two of us as I also had the key to a breakthrough he was seeking.

I mean, how much lucky can you get, way back in 2008 meeting someone who was willing to take you to Cecilia Ibru ?

Now you gerrit !

He had mapped out a plan that we met at their headoffice on a Tuesday morning.

‘Let’s meet by 11.00 am’

Accompanying me was a female assistant from my office, as well as presentation materials we had hoped would open doors for us.

Unfortunately, after waiting for sometime at the MD/CEO’s office, my top banker contact was able to confirm through the MD/CEO’s personal assistant, that the Oga would not be able to see anyone – therefore, another and much more formal appointment, different from the ‘cold call’ was booked for us – Friday, by 1.00 pm.

A time that was also very fine by me.
Friday came o and the person I was to attend the appointment with turned up at the office in one tattered, ripped jeans and multi coloured canvass like that.

I had an instant headache ni mehnnn – As in, what da f.ck is this ?

Her defence was that being a Friday, shebi we dress down at the office – oh yes, at our own office and probably to the offices of clients you have become accustomed to.

Where did she keep the saying:

‘Dress the way you wanna be addressed’.

For crying out loud, we were going to have a presentation at a prospect’s office – a top one too.

Mrs. Cecilia Ibru at that . . .

And you come to the office like you’re going to a disco, or in clearer terms – like a beggar.

Gaddemn shege !

@ O’Shine Original . . .

[ Over their dead bodies ]

This is probably one of, if not the most hilarious dating escapade I ever had.

She had made dinner for us at her place a week earlier – Emphasizing the need for us to have a heart to heart talk as well by our next meeting and had categorically told me it wasn’t going to be at her place – I guess due to the fact we were almost getting fresh with one another.

At the mention of this – My heart skipped a bit, I mean – This was someone I was most excited about at the time. We had a lot of things in common etc; drove the exact same brand of car, both of us were also huge supporters of Man United and we both loved to jist as well.

That saying, that you attract who you are beginning to ring in my head. You know the anticipation of finally finding the bone of your bones (yinmu)

Here was an extremely brilliant chick too, an Engineer by profession whose office was on Victoria Island and a product of Ahmadu Bello University – ABU, Zaria.

So, I’d picked and taken her to have a wonderful evening at Southern Sun in Ikoyi where we had drinks, bites and watched a United champions league match together and then drove down to her place, close to Queen’s Drive.

As you can see, it was quite late already by the time we got to hers, then the question yet again:

‘Gbenga, what do you want from me ?’

I didn’t mince words – Saying it as it is:

“First and foremost, I want to be your friend and ultimately, I want you to be the mother of my kids – my wife”
The problem confronting us in the face, however – Aside being a very funky person, she’s also very Muslim, so had blurted out:

‘It’ll be over my parent’s dead bodies for me to marry you’

Going on to inform me that her father was yet to forgive their Mum cos the big sister had married a Christian. 

No English wey I noh speak that night o, she noh gree. I left her, driving back home like a possessed mad man.

The thing pain me well well o, but I decided overnight I wasn’t going to beg and was just going to let it go.So, I just let her be.

2 weeks later, she sent me a text message:

‘So it was that easy for you to walk away, abi ?’

I replied her:

“Me I noh want your parents dead o”
Lololololololololololol.

@ O’Shine Original . . .

[ F.E.A.R ]

Being afraid in itself is very normal . . . You’re only just being human.

Why not ?

So this youngman, a client’s rep had followed me home so we could urgently look up something on my laptop. 

He sat back as I opened the gate and drove in . . . The environment dawned on him when he alighted from the car . . . The quietude, stillness and infact, quietness of my entire compound.

His heart at that very moment skipped a bit:

‘I HOPE YOU DON’T HAVE A DOG HERE ?’ 

He screamed out.

He was distraught with fear as anxiety took him over and he immediately became emotional.

Frantic with worry and panic.
He became so evidently distressed and agitated . . . Also going on to tell me how he’s a Muslim and he shouldn’t touch dogs etc. 

I almost died laughing . . . Choking as I indicated for him to jump right behind me cos ‘one of my dogs’ would soon emerge.

Yeah . . . I can be wicked like that. Kikikikikikikikikikikikiiiiiiiiiiii.

HOW CAN A YOUNG MAN AT THAT BE SO AFRAID OF MAN’S BESTFRIEND . . . HOW ?

F.E.A.R. in truth is a mere illusion. Something we fabricate in our own minds and pretend it to be real.

F.E.A.R . . . Simply means: False Evidence Appearing Real.

Ok . . . I fear dogs too o !

@ O’Shine Original . . .