I parked my car in front of the pharmacy and strolled in to get me a medication.
On the till was the ever smiling and friendly young guy who had come to be my friend.
(Imagine me, a United FAN_atic being friends wif a Chelsea Supporter).

I made my purchase and money exchanged hands.

‘No change’ he said as had become characteristic of them when I go there.
So he asked if I would take something else in exchange for my change while also pointing at the various brands of condoms on display.

This is Friday night I said to myself and really ‘WHY’ not – I’d always found it really awkward buying CDs but these guys here always make it so simple.

So I picked one and also asked him jokingly “Now, where and how am I going to use it ?”

He said madam tonight now – I told him madam wasn’t around also asking if he could produce a substitute.
He got really excited at this.
Asking ‘Sir, are you really serious ?’

I asked him if I was looking “un serious” – Next, he was asking for my number ‘I could call you Sir’

Why not, I’ve known these guys for a long enough time now not to have their numbers

“What is your name ?” I asked.

‘Bisi’ he said and I blurted out my number to him and we said our goodbyes.

That was like 6.30 pm that day.
Lo and behold, Bisi indeed called me at around 10.00 pm and promised that a babe would call me soon.
He didn’t allow me any comment as he dropped so I still felt it was one of those jokes we had shared at the pharmacy.

15 minutes later an obviously female voice with an unknown number called:

‘Hello, so so and so said I should call you’

(This was a totally different name from Bisi’s so I wondered.

“Please who is this ?”

She said call me back and hung up – I didn’t even think twice about it and just fashied.

IGNORE_mode activated.

Then it occurred to me Bisi could be really serious.

An ARRANGEMENT was truly in the pipeline. He wasn’t joking afterall.

So I dialled his number – Unavailable.

At almost 11.00 pm my phone rang again. Caller was same female voice ‘Do you still want me to come ?’ she asked.

Interestingly, I decided to play along knowing the gates to my hood would be locked soon.

Curiosity no longer kills the cat, ama get to the bottom of this I told myself.

So, I said “Yes” and to which she said ‘I am with two other friends of mine and so won’t come alone’.

I asked her what I was going to do wif them (Chuckling and getting really exciting) and she said again ‘Lemmie call you back and hung up’.

Before then she had told me her name was Aisha when I asked where the hell she was at that time of the night that was so noisy.
She was at a bar around Ikeja.
Hmmmmm, obviously a sex worker, I said to myself.

To cap my story.
Aisha called me few minutes to midnight.
(I most likely was her last option and I hate playing that role.
I’m a numero uno. The first and not the last).

‘Okay I want to start coming now – Where do you live?’ she asked .
I told her, pointblankly my gates were by now all locked.

But still playing along, I curiously asked if she was so serious about coming and she said yes but the most UNEXPECTED happened.

‘How much is my money ?’ she asked.

Ehhnnn, “What did you say ?” I asked her.

She replied me confidently without batting an eyelid (as if I could see her).
‘How much ?’ she repeated.

Interested in knowing the rates, I said “How much do you normally charge ?”

She said it depends on you – Thinking fast I told her I usually don’t have money at home and that I was lean on cash.

“How about N1,500 ?” I asked almost dying from laughter.


Aisha slammed the phone on me straight.
Moku. Mogbe. Modaran.

The END.

Let’s TGIF guys – Thank God It’s Friday !



6 thoughts on ““Arrangee”

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