(A continuation of: The anatomy of the female power)
Where do I even begin ?
People have said severally that may I not go back the way I came to this world.
(Through a vigina – Chuckles)
I say a BIG Amen too.
Adura nla nla gba ni. (Powerful prayer)
Ehmmmmmm ehmmmmm, it’s that my new neighbour yet again.
Imagine giving her a lift after my car had nearly disgraced me and I didn’t even ask for her name ? Something tells me there could’ve been something unnatural about her ?
Maybe spiritual. Lol.
However, I’m going to see this to a logical conclusion.
So, that’s how I had timed my going to buy pizza so perfectly and drove down to ‘area’ around 20 minutes to 7.00 pm last night.
Excitedly, Wande Cole’s song was blaring in my car –
Sisi eko, ibi ni j’owa
Idi e toyi, baby come over
Don’t you worry oohhh, nibi l’owa
She’s rocking versace
who be nicki minaji
Dancing like she dey fight karate
Eh her body na buggatti
Eh I go buy you ferrari
you no get any choice but to marry
Eh I go give you the car key
Eh you be calling me daddy”
Swinging my head to the sweet rhythm – I found a good spot and veered my car into the tight space opposite some security guys.
A car drove down towards me, knowing the driver who’s a friend, I stylishly dodged him.
“Abeg, abeg, abeg”, he should not just come and distract me in this my coded mission I thought.
So the waiting game started yet again.
The security guys kept on talking and looking in my direction.
I winked back at them and waved.
(Thinkin – C’mon get your eyes off me)
That’s how one walked up to me, ‘Oga, abi your car no work again today ?’
“Yeeeeeeeeeeee, they sure saw me yesterday from his reaction”.
A call came in as I managed to discard the security guy.
‘Where are you Gbenga ?’ the caller asked ‘I am at your gate’.
“I’m held up in traffic on the 3rd Mainland Bridge” I lied.
Concumbility, as if I’m owing him – What does he want in my house ? I was thinking.
As I was ending that call, another person, this time an elderly neighbour had seen me and parked – He was actually by my car side now so I had to get down. At least to show some respect with him being an older person.
The man had endlessly encouraged me to be attending monthly resident association meetings.
Truth is, I don’t have such time.
I cycle religiously every weekend.
I greeted him in Yoruba, ‘E kale sa’ only for me to sight my friend who just called from my front gate.
‘Haaaaaannnn haaaaaannnn, Gbenga, o fo lati 3rd Mainland ni ?
Asking if I flew from the 3rd Mainland Bridge.
He also said in Yoruba, ‘Oniro ni iwo bobo yi sha’.
Pointblankly referring to me as a liar.
While he was on with all that accusation, my elderly neighbour looked on smiling.
I introduced them and we chatted about the situation of things in the country.
As I was chatting so was I also scanning ahead to see if my target was coming.
Gbosa, there she strolled down our way. True to plan – I at that time wondered how I was going to deal with the impending situation.
My older neighbour, and of course this wahala friend.
She drew nearer and nearer, only for one known car in the hood to park beside her about 15 meters away.
Damnnnnnnnnnn, she entered the vehicle.
OMG – They got to my side and the car slowed down.
Peeping out through the window, she asked ‘Do not tell me your car has a problem again ?’
To think I had not eaten because of her despite my hunger.
So I’m gonna eat my pizza alone ? Cold too.
I will send amadiora after this gheeeeeeee ooooo.
My 2 unwanted guests nudged me back to reality – Neighbour said what he had to say and left.
Friend decided against following me back home as he quickly headed out before the gate was securely locked.
I drove home – Dejectedly.
Don Jazzy’s song playing in my head.
“Doro Buchi, doro go home, doro fashy, doro face your front.
‘Doro doro buchi oooooo, doro doro buchi ooooooo.”
See my life (Aiye mi re) – I no send the ghee again oooooo.
Definitely no part 3)
Mo gif hup. (In broken English; Gives up)
The END !