My crew wear a cloth per day, pyjamas inclusive, dirty or not.
So I said on Saturday, you guys gotta wash, not waiting till Sunday for the laundry woman to show up . . . I took them both downstairs; clothes, buckets, water and detergent.
Showed them how to scrub very well and went back upstairs to my phone.
‘Daddy and his phone’ they always say . . . By the time I checked back 20 minutes later . . . Ori iya mi ooooooooo.
They had used a third of 500 gms size Ariel detergent between them both to wash about 20 pieces of fabrics and pants.
These cheeeedrens haf kiiiiiiii me.
The usual procedure when I cook is once I serve their food, I wash the pot, spoons, knives and other things used for the cooking . . . That night, I left the bowl used for mixing eggs unwashed . . . My daughter does the washing of her own and brother’s plates and cups . . . So she came up, sweating:
‘Daddy, I helped you to wash what you left in the sink . . . Why did you not wash it ?’
Huhnnnnnnnnn . . . Ori iya e fokasibe.
Daughter loves food . . . Sure Daddy cooks great too, reason why she eats so much and ends up in the white room after meals, everytime . . . 1 tissue paper gone in 3 days.
Moku. Mogbe. Modaraan.
Food ready and served . . . I picked the trays while the crew ran up delightfully . . . I heard a big bang . . . Twice for a fact . . . I didn’t wanna be theoretic so when I got upstairs I asked . . . “What happened ?”
I saw son writhing in pain . . . Crying, he said.
‘I fell Daddy’ . . . That’s what food can cause in my house.
“Who was chasing you ?” I asked ignoring him.
Nonsense and ingredients.
We are The FOODIES.
The rate at which water was also being used was alarming . . . I use my overhead tank alone for 5 days, with them around it used to be for 3 days . . . This time around nah everyday I dey pump water ooooooo . . . Once the tank empties, nah wahala be dat . . . I get air locks in the pipes and water runs like we are managing my tank for the whole neighbourhood . . . Trickling.
I then have to climb the scaffolding to release the airlock by opening a portion of the pipes . . . I opened the taps upstairs, 4 in all and instructed my ever playful son to lock the taps after 10 minutes . . . Their entire bathroom was flooded in less than 10 minutes by the time I got back upstairs . . . I was screaming madly at him . . . ‘But you said 10 minutes Daddy’ he said pitifully.
The look I gave him ehnnnnnn.
“Goan mop that whole floor dry” I screamed angrily.
You sha know how you try your possible best to make an holiday pleasant ?
Food, drinks, tv, outings, loads of fun and even electricity . . . Drives me crazy when they ask me . . . ‘Daddy is this Nepa or generator ?’
They don’t even know the difference . . . Serious yotomi leleyi ooooooo.
I bark back at them . . . “Don’t you have EARS ?”
So by jove, we saw and I killed a rat that ran out from my daughter’s room into my son’s room and then back into daughter’s room before running out into the living room on Holy Thursday . . . I knew they’ll freak out if I let the rat go so I ensured I killed the f.cking damn thang . . . They refused to sleep in their rooms since thereafter.
T’was a tiny smallish rat but they said . . . ‘If there’s a baby rat in the house, then there’ll be a mama rat’
Oh my bed. Oh my space. Oh my gosh.
The most annoying was not even allowing me watch tv . . . They watched only cartoons . . . Same programmes oooooo. Repeated ones sef, reciting every scene, script for script and word for word. Action for action.
Lord have mercy.
My eyes see weeeeeehnnn ooo during the holiday.
Quick quick, I’ve shipped them back to dem mama . . . Awon omo kan o le wa pa baba kan nowwwwww.